And the votes are in!

I have been exceedingly tired this past month. I feel rather like my broken mainframe computer, continually turning on and shutting off, trying to fix something I can't. Something I know is broken, but have no way to re-program or reboot to make things work properly. And even though I'm up at 3 am now, I feel like it doesn't matter how much sleep I get...I'll still be tired. I need to ease up on the caffeine, I think.

Well, the last of the big boy publishers emailed my agent: rejection.

The one from Thomas Nelson was so very kind. They said they held on to my manuscript so long because it was a hard decision to make; they even hinted at working with me in the future, once I'm published, that is. I hope so, too. Through-out this process, I've fallen in love with TN. They seem like such a great group of believers. Sincere...from the former CEO president, Michael Hyatt, who gives great publishing and leadership advice on his blog, to the editors who took the time to write a note of encouragement to' nobody' they knew.

But in the end, a "No" is still a no.

Now, I am not a big dreamer. Too realistic, I suppose. That said, I was surprised at how taken back I was, how disappointed. I kept having to remind myself  "It's not like someone died!" I find myself cringing at names from my story, Jacob and Judah especially. Passing by Lifeway Christian Bookstore on the highway is difficult. I look away. And...Please laugh at this, because it's pretty silly...I don't like signing my name right now...if you can't think of "why", well...Bless You!

And yet, this past week, I've chided myself. I've chided myself for not taking the time to dream BIGGER. Sure the disappointment has been keenly felt...but the wonder of the moment...of having MY WORDS, MY 1st STORY enjoyed and wrestled through by the elite of the Christian Publishing world...that moment is gone...whereas the result of their decision will remain, no matter where my writing journey takes me. And of that, I am profoundly moved and I hope instructed.

I've learned not to dream less, in a pitiful attempt to save myself from heartache, but to dream more, to savor the moment of hope and possibility, before they chance to slip away from me.

The tale of Dinah "Numbered Among the Stars" is not ready to be shelved just yet. I'm going to do some minor editing (thanks to my critic partner and my becoming-dearer-almost-daily-friend, the amazing author of "The Red House, Almost a Memoir" ~available on Amazon.com, Charmaine Davis) and then my agent will query some smaller publishers. She believed in me enough to put an unpublished author in the big boy publisher's rink...In this, I will always be humbled by her faith in me. Thank you, Dawn.